| APP V. MICHIGAN!!! |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|10:26 pm] |
|
YEAH WE KICKED THEIR ASS!!!! WOOO!!! they didn't know who we were and they under estimated us, now they know!!!! YEAH!!!! |
|
|
| again |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|12:51 pm] |
bill and i are okay again..... lets see how long this lasts before we blow up on eachother again. but for right now we're friends... sorta. hp7 comes out tomorrow!!! and back to boone in 13! |
|
|
| what the hell......... |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|01:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
i'm so pissed, bill has been telling everyone i'm a pot head... aaaahhhhhh!!! why is he being this way we were fine! i haven't talked to him in 3 months and now he is being all jerky! you would think a guy who lived 650 miles away would be easy to just forget about completely!
this is the reason why i dont want anything to do with MS anymore! no one is gonna hear my side of the story, so i'm gonna be the bad guy to everyone! i'm sorry that i broke your heart!! If i'm such a horrible person than why did you want to be with me anyway! i've been so happy the last few months without him, and i'm gonna remain happy without him. hopefully he'll be able to be happy with out me too, and not calling me names and think so bad of me. this is just something that happens, why does he have to think that i ruined his life. why can't he just treat this as another fact of life that makes us who we are. he treats me like i planned to break up with him from the beginning. I had to do what was right for me! i'm sorry!!! what more do you want!!! Hurting me isn't gonna make things better...
i made a mistake getting back together the second time, we should have just left it there. i don't know what i was thinking, trying to make things work again. Now he thinks that i just wanted to get back together so i could break up with him. thats so stupid. i'm not that cruel. dfj;d;jlaj;d;jkla;jdf;jdfjdjfd;ja;jfdjfd blah!!!
okay i'm better, i'm done with this. i don't know why i even care what people think of me. my friends know me and everyone else can just think what they want cuz i'm not ever goin to MS again (unless to visit mel) but i doubt i'll go to biloxi. everyone probably hates me there anyways. its okay... i've got NC and people here know what really happened, and they know where my heart truely lies.
|
|
|
| Harry Potter Imax Crisis |
[Jul. 3rd, 2007|08:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
okay so the plan was me cj brett kristen donna , were gonna go to atl to go see HP 5 in imax... Kristen had surgery so she no go, we have extra ticket, we try to get rid of extra ticket, we end up with 2 people wanting come with.... 5 imax tickets 6 people, which means one person will probaby end up going to the regular movie theatre alone.... more than likely it'll be me cuz i'm such a nice person.... (cough cough, that would make me a gryffindor wouldnt it lol) I honestly don't see how this situation would change though i think i wanted to see it in imax more than anyone, but more than that i want to see everyone have a good time... and i know for a fact no one else will volunteer to go see a movie all by there lonesome... so as usual when everyone refuses to budge, i move.... :P we're gonna try and sneak me in but what happens happens.... i'll def see HP6 in imax... and then hopefully HP7 in London. taht would be sweet... so yeah thats the situation with harry potter....
but more than the movie i'm looking forward just to hanging out with my friends, i need this vacation.... |
|
|
| Its funny,,,, |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|03:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
Its funny how on my birthday i'd give anything in the world to get away from home....
Nothing ever seems to wanna go my way lol....
Mom has a way of making me feel like crap no matter what day it is...
I wanna get away so bad, look for any kind of escape from this place....
I wish that they'd just let me be, that they'd just forget about me...
i'm tired of all this shit, pretending to be happy for them, when infact i feel like crying
My family knows nothing about me, they don't know me at all
They've got this image of what i should be in there minds, and when i don't live up to that image i get put down
I'm never gonna be good enough for them, i'm tired of trying!!! |
|
|
| Happy Birthday to Me |
[Jun. 29th, 2007|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
19 today, its exactly 12:00am June 30th.... nothing is really different.... as usual, just another year older. Brett and Dale took me out to dinner and Brett got me a PIMP CUP and some glow in da dark shot glasses. There pretty cool. Dale got me a Lava Lamp and its like a lava lamp in a lamp. you'll have to see it to know what i mean. Then brettly left cuz we didn't know what else to do, so dale and i watched 300 on my laptop and just talked. tomorrow, i'm gonna sleep in and then get ready for the mercy me concert... i'm really not that excited, one because i'm going with my family plus my youth group and two because i've never been a fan of mercy me, but it'll make my daddy happy if i'm excited so i'll be happy... I'm such a good kid lol. Nothing really going on at all... What i'm really looking forward to is the ATL trip to go see cj, with donna brett nick and ashely. its going to be sooo much fun. We're going to go see Harry Potter in Imax at midnight... HELL YEAH!!! i'm wearing my RON shirt, haha i know i'm such a big geek. Actuallly i might go buy a slytherin shirt.... i'm so evil :P
Okay so this is gonna prove that my friends and i are total losers but oh well. we've had this on going conversation on what houses we woud be in if we were wizards at Hogwarts (i know we're dorks) well lets see we all agreed that Brett was in Ravenclaw (smartass), Donna and CJ were in Hufflepuff (rejects) haha jk love you guys, and I'm in Slytherin (kick ass).... HELL YEAH!!! we don't know any Griffindors....
so yeah i know i'm a total loser, but hey at least i kick ass in slytherin lol haha
|
|
|
| An Entry |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|06:59 pm] |
|
Yes i'm writing, though i have nothing to really write. I say this now but more than likely i'll ramble about nothing and somehow fill up a page. So lets see, summer is still relatively boring. I work, but not as much as i used too, cuz i'm lazy lol. This whole go to work when you feel like it, isn't good for me because i never feel like going to work. Filing papers is only so much fun. But Ryan is working with me now, he's pretty cool. Little stuck up, but he's pretty funny. Its good having someone to talk to now, makes the job go by faster. He transfered from NC State to AppState, which is pretty cool. He's staying in the apartments across from Cannon Dorm, offered me a parking spot if he can get an extra one, which would be sweet!!!.
Lets see my Tias (Aunts) are living here now, so 8 people, 1 house. Its really not that bad, they do all the cleaning and cooking before i get home from work so less for me to do :).
um... went on two dates last weekend. One with a guy named Jared, i met him briefly when i was workin at jack in the box, he came trhough drive, and then we talked on myspace. We went out friday, to tsunami's and saw oceans 11. He was kinda boring and too country for me. Sunday Billy Durret called and he took me out to AppleBee's and a movie. I enjoyed his company, he's more my type, and he's pretty cute. only problem i have with him is he might not be going back to school, i'm not gonna date someone with no future. But i'm not in a rush to find a new boyfriend.... i wanna take things slooooooooow.
plus i still think about bill a lot, though i wish i wouldn't.
melanie and i have been talking a lot, which is nice. i miss her a bunch, she really is my best friend. we seem to be dealing with the same crap. its good to have someone to relate and talk to.
i find the older i get, the less time i have to just enjoy life. I mean i work all the time, and aparently i'm not working enough, i need more money. so i'm gonna go back JIB and work weekends.
eh well thats my life, going outta town next week yay!
|
|
|
| ...... |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|12:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | angry | ] |
IS SUMMER OVER YET!!!!!
|
|
|
| being the mom |
[May. 28th, 2007|09:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
so mom's outta town, and i've become the new mommy. it sucks. lol waking up early doing chores all day, running around ben and abi's schedules. eww... sorry mom for giving you a hard time lol.
anyways life is still kinda blah. i don't know where i stand with anyone... with my parents.... some of my friends... people from MS.... My life kinda crumbled, and now i'm left picking up the pieces, but i kinda just want to leave them on the floor. There are so many things that i should do, but at the same time i don't want to do them. My mind is torn in two right now. I guess i'll take things as they come...
I put in my 2 weeks notice at JIB yesterday. yup i'm done with it.
things at home are okay i guess but its not like anyones here. usually its just me and the dogs until the kiddies come home. i really just wanna go back to boone....
bill and i are friends, its funny cuz he likes to make sure we're just that... he keeps saying "buddy" after everything. lol bill you don't have to do that, no worries, all i want is friendship... nothing more.
I saw pirates today with dale, it was okay not one of my favorites. i like the first and second, but not so much the third. well i'm off to bed i guess. |
|
|
| better |
[May. 24th, 2007|11:52 pm] |
My life's been a wreck. Lately things just keep getting worse, and emotionally i'm drained. I've been so depressed, to the point of just sitting in my room not talking to anyone. Mom finaly noticed something was wrong and she talked to me, it helped. Something else helped too.....Bill... believe it or not he was able to look past all the crap and talk to me. It really lifted some of the pain i've been dealing with away. I've felt so awful about everything, and him not talking to me just hurt more than i thought. I was so depressed that i honestly didn't think God existed anymore, but i'm starting to get back again. Hopefully this time i won't fall again.
Not too mention my friends always know how to cheer me up, so thanks mel and cj, for always understanding and being there for me. Love you all. |
|
|
| My lifes going down the drain |
[May. 22nd, 2007|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
mom decides to tell me her and dad have been fighting a lot lately and that she doesn't know what to do if he doesn't finale see whats going on. does that mean divorce? possibly. My mind is flippin out. I called bill, we were friends long before we dated and i really needed him as a friend. He helped a ton. Hearing his voice again felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I started crying as soon as he answered which i wasn't expecting to do. Do you know what its like not to talk to someone you care about for 2 months especially when the last time we talked was really yelling. I know that i was a jerk, a liar, and a hypocrite. I know that i went off the deep end, but do know that i'm gonna try. Its hard, i wanna be a good kid, but i wanna have fun... Its soo hard to go against the flow, i know thats what i'm supposed to do, but i don't want to. WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE!!!!! |
|
|
| blah |
[May. 21st, 2007|10:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
So i work a lot now, but it still doesn't seem like enough... My parents are killing me. I really just want to leave but have know where to go, and they won't let me go even if i had a place to go. My aunts are moving in next month which is gonna suck... Mom is leaving for a week and dad is being a jerk about it. aparently i'm becomming the new mom. AAAHHHH!! he can't do anything by himself!!! aaarrrgggg.... i can't wait to move out!!! He's such a kid. |
|
|
| Best Day of Summer So Far... |
[May. 19th, 2007|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Okay so woke up at 8 to get ready for CAROWINDS!!! heck yes!! Dale picked me up at 9 and he brought me and BEC biscuit from McDonalds and he got me a Shrek cup from there too :) I LOVE HIM!!! but yeah we then ventured over to Leslie's and waited with Ruhi and her for Kathy and Jessie, who were late as usual. They arrived around 10, get to carowinds at 11 and then the fun began. Lots of middle schoolers running around apparently it was a band festival thingy :P but wasn't too bad. I got a nice little tan, and my face is burned. Dale is really red like Lobster red. We all left carowinds at 6, and got back to concord by 7 and then went and saw Shrek the Third with everyone. It was Hilarious!! Dale had work at ten so we had to rush after the movie ended, but it was a good day, the most fun i've had in a while. Dale and I are off tuesday so we are planning to hang out. woo!! Tomorrow is my lil brothers 12th birthday, i haven't deposited my check yet so i didn't get him anything, but i will, it'll be late though. Okay so now i'm tired, lol. ttyl night OH!!! anyone want to see pirates either friday or midnight showing? i'm not sure if i can do midnight cuz i work friday morning but i might go see it anyways lol. gimme a call |
|
|
| mixed feelings |
[May. 17th, 2007|11:03 pm] |
a lot of thoughts running through my mind... non of which make any since. I wanna talk to bill and at the same time i don't. i wanna be his friend but i'm scared to make any attempt cuz i'm pretty sure i'll get shut down. Also my parents dont seem to understand that i'm my own person, they are constantly trying to make me something i'm not, if they tell me i need to be a doctor one more time i'll scream!!!!!
i miss boone. |
|
|
| reflecting on the school year |
[May. 9th, 2007|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
Freshman year is done and gone. I managed to pass all my classes. My goal next semester is to make A's and B's, no slacking. A lot of things happened over the course of the year. I changed more than i expected too, I made and lost friends. I broke someone's heart... I made some bad decisions, but i have no regrets. To live with regret is not really living. I discovered a lot about myself; I don't always have to be the quiet one, I am able to get through the awkward situations, I don't need to rely on my parents anymore. This year is over and i'm glad that things turned out okay for me. Next year brings new challenges but i think i'm better prepared for sophmore year than i was for Freshman year. I know what i need to do to make the grades and I'll already have friends. I miss everyone up there more than i thought i would.
I've been thinking about bill lately. Just wondering how he's doing and what he's up to. I may have lost him as a boyfriend but i still want to have him as a friend. I know he's not ready to talk to me cause it hurts, but hopefully we'll be okay as friends eventually. I know that most of the time that can't happen especially after a long relationship like ours but i hope to at least hear from him from time to time. I miss talking to him. I didn't mean to hurt him.
The summer is kinda blah. My parents are way controlling but i'm doing my best to adjust. I'm looking into a new job. 9 bucks an hour to file papers.. should be fun right. I'm not really enjoying Jack in the Box anymore, the atmosphere isn't fun anymore its very on edge like everyone is fighting eachother. I kinda feel bad quitting when i just got back but i didn't even get a raise and i really need the money since i'm moving into the apartment in 3 months.
I'm looking forward to moving out of my house and into the apartment. It'll be good to have my own place, a new place to call home.
I hope everyone is doing well, and having a nice summer. |
|
|
| Missin Boone |
[May. 5th, 2007|06:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
So i'm really missing boone town. I mean i had a great group of friends up there and plenty to do, not to mention that i made my own rules. My parents are driving me crazy. Its hard going from Freedom to strict overbearing parents again. Boo! Oh well i'm excited to see dale again, and maybe some of my old robinson buddies. Home just isn't that exciting. I really miss just being able to hang out with my friends whenever i wanted and sleeping till noon. crazyness. Oh well only 3 months and then move in to apartment time YAY!! Then find a job. BOO!!
For those of you who don't know already Bill and I did end up breaking up again. It just wasn't working.
Well back to unpacking i guess. BOO!!! Call me |
|
|
| What am I doing? |
[Apr. 28th, 2007|06:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
I've changed. I know it, and i don't know if it is a good or bad thing. Bill and I are yet again on the verge of break up and this time neither one of us seems to care. We were talking fine and somehow ended up on the topic of "should we be together or not". I know that i'm not the same person i was in highschool, and bill seems to think that me being different is bad. I feel like shit. I know as of right now i'm not capable of change, i'm not capable of being what bill wants me to be or needs me to be. I'm not being fair to him. He wants me to meet him half way, and i want to but i know i won't. I don't want to break up with him, but i don't want to have him waiting on me. Its not fair to him. I feel like such a jerk for bringing this all up again. Its all my fault. I think that maybe i've been trying to make myself love bill, i just don't know if i do anymore. Donna just pointed something out to me. I cuddle with everyone, but when bill tried to cuddle i pushed him away. I didn't even notice i did that. Why am i such a jerk!!! I'm so sorry bill, i don't want to lose you, but i don't want to hurt you anymore. I need to figure out me, before i can be what you need me to be. You deserve so much better. I'm sooo sorry. I don't know who i am.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so frustrated with myself. |
|
|
| Easter Break |
[Apr. 11th, 2007|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
So Easter was last sunday. Bill came up on thursday but i had a lot of work to do so he went to concord with my parents while i did all my work. Mom pretty much put him to work around the house fixin stuff lol. He came and picked me up on friday and we just hung out with the fam. It was good being with him though my siblings don't like to leave us alone lol. I was sad when he left :(
Easter was funny, Most families have a big Easter sitdown meal. My family goes to KFC and pizza hut lol. It was pretty amazing. But they did have to pack that night and leave for disney the next day. I spent monday just chillin and then donna and dale came over and we just hung out. tuesday i spent cleaning the house and packing until CJ picked me up, then it was back to boone! It was a good ride up, i love just takin car rides with friends, nothing crazy goin on, just talkin and enjoying the scenery up the mountain.
Donna cleaned the room before she left and now its messy again lol. oh well. I'm behind on some school work still. Tomorrow after class and lunch i'm gonna go to the library and just study. I need to pass my chem class and right now its killin me. So i'm just gonna read and hopefully understand it. I also need to write an extra credit paper for english cuz i've missed a lot of days. I also need to do some extra credit for theatre cuz i didn't do so well on a paper. oh well i'll figure it all out. Wish me luck! |
|
|
| thinking |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|02:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
do you ever get annoyed with a good thing? does that make sense, to get annoyed with something that shouldn't be annoying, but it is. I don't know why, maybe because its stubborn, and then says its not but is still stubborn. or perhaps i'm the stubborn one. Is it right of me to ask someone to change, instead of changing myself. the question is who should change or should both change. Is someone more right than the other and in that case is someone in the wrong? i know i'm talkin in circles, just ignore it. |
|
|
| interesting weekend... |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|02:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
Friday night was what was interesting. I get a text message at 2:30am from a friend that lives down the hall. "Do you have any ice?" well that question makes me a little concerned but i shrug it off as maybe they are makin drinks. Her next message said "Is anyone in your room? i need your help, but don't tell anyone i don't want anyone to know" Okay so now i'm flippin out. So i get bill and donna to go sit in the lobby so she can come in. She enters and there is BLOOD all over her face and her stomach is purple. Someone had beat the crap out of her, and she was drunk. I didn't really know what to do but hold her. I cleaned her up a bit and got her to lay down. She was pretty much currled up in a ball, holding her stomach the whole night, she was shaking, but it wasn't because she was cold. I was so scared for her. I got her to tell me a little bit of what happened but i promised not to tell. She came up with a story to tell her friends so they wouldn't ask questions. The next day she was still in a little pain but was able to suck it up and go to a car wash. Her lip wasn't swollen anymore either, she's okay. But i don't like being the one to keep this secret. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mander16's journal